


and i press you to the pages of my heart

by apaixono



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Celebrity, Cameo: NCT Mark Lee, Cameo: SJ Donghae, Fandom life, I Love My Babies, M/M, Mentions of EXO-CBX, Mutual Pining, all the yearning!!!!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:20:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24386608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apaixono/pseuds/apaixono
Summary: there's something ironic in the way his friendship with Junmyeon feels like a romantic comedy, but Kyungsoo supposes these things happen when you're best friends with the nation's soloist.
Relationships: Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Kim Junmyeon | Suho
Comments: 7
Kudos: 61





	and i press you to the pages of my heart

**Author's Note:**

> a birthday gift for a friend based on a random conversation, because all our convos are mini adventures of feels and karupokan every time. happy birthday, [jam](http://twitter.com/emperorsuho)!!!!! ily! ❤️

“We are one! Hello everyone, this is your guardian, Suho!”

Kyungsoo smiles as he props up his tablet against the vase of (plastic) flowers on his dining table. He just got back from the cafe, shoulders pleasantly sore from all the kneading he had to do today, and all he wants is to gobble down his dinner before crashing on the sofa, but South Korea’s biggest soloist is having a live broadcast, so he endures his aching muscles and sets up his dinner on the table like a proper adult. Even if said dinner is just leftover kimchi spaghetti from last night, his portion of the fried chicken his staff had bought for lunch but he forgot to eat because the chocolate he was tempering seized, and the last can of beer in his fridge. One glance at his screen however and he knows the man happily chattering there only had bland food for his meals all day, so he counts his blessings and takes a bite of still miraculously crisp chicken.

“But okay, enough about my boring day! How’s everyone doing?” Suho asks, and Kyungsoo hums in response even if he knows he won’t be heard. The comments section is a blur, fans spamming the idol with their responses. Suho pauses for a moment, squinting at the comments with a tiny frown. Kyungsoo snorts; he knows he can barely read them, with his terrible eyesight and his aversion to wearing his glasses.

“I’m glad everyone had a better day than me! I’m really excited to start shooting for my drama, but the preparation is tough, almost like preparing for a comeback. Ah, what I’d give for some chicken and beer right now…” Suho groans. Kyungsoo laughs loudly at that and reaches for his phone. He snaps a photo of his sad dinner and opens his KakaoTalk, typing with a chuckle:

> **To: Junmyeonnie ‘^’**
> 
> _[attached photo] want some?_

Ah, perhaps an explanation is in order. While the world sees Suho, hallyu star and human harp, all Kyungsoo sees is Kim Junmyeon, his childhood best friend. Their parents are long time friends from college, who eventually moved to a tiny community in the countryside together. Like their parents, Junmyeon and Kyungsoo ended up being the bestest of friends; they grew up together, studied in the same school from kinder to high school, went to the same college, and permanently moved to Seoul together to pursue their dreams: Junmyeon, being an idol, and Kyungsoo, putting up his own cafe. They’ve gone through more things together than alone, witnessing almost every life milestone together. They’ve seen each other at their best and worst and all the in betweens, in the days of celebration and success and in the nights when doubt and self-loathing becomes all-consuming that it’s hard to feel anything else. And even if Junmyeon is a world-renowned superstar and Kyungsoo is a busy businessman trying to keep his booming cafe in one piece, they still have each other, like they always have. Kyungsoo knows it’s rare to have this kind of connection, so deep and strong and resilient that not even drastically different lifestyles sway it, and he’s thankful he has someone like Junmyeon by his side, superstar status notwithstanding. 

Junmyeon’s phone audibly pings, and one look at his screen made him cry out in protest. “Ah, look at my friend, he just sent me a photo of chicken and beer! Why are my friends like this, really…” He huffs, but there’s an affectionate smile on his face, so Kyungsoo knows he’s not actually mad. “And now everyone’s spamming chicken and beer emojis in the comments, too. Yah, yah, stop teasing me! I’ll end this live, I really will! I even practiced the songs I’ll play for you tonight, but I’ll really end this now! _Yah_!”

Kyungsoo laughs again as he reaches for another piece of chicken. Junmyeon loves his fans, he really won’t end his broadcast just because he’s hungry. He watches the comments section get flooded with apologies and hearts, multiple _oppa we’re sorry_ and _oppa just eat well please_ , and he rolls his eyes when Junmyeon pretends to still be annoyed even when he’s already arranging himself in front of his piano. Pretty soon the idol is playing some KDrama OST that Kyungsoo heard one of his staff play on the cafe loudspeakers, and he smiles to himself as he finishes his dinner. Junmyeon really loves performing, he thinks fondly as he watches Junmyeon sing passionately like he’s performing in one of his musicals and not just doing a random broadcast in his apartment. He’s glad his friend found happiness in his work, even if the journey took him longer than usual, even if sometimes the pressure gets to him that not even a cake from Kyungsoo’s cafe can cheer him up, even if he has to make sacrifices like giving up good food to maintain his already great figure for his image. Kyungsoo worries about him a lot, but he takes comfort in the thought that Junmyeon loves what he’s doing, and that he willingly pours his heart and soul into his craft. It doesn’t make him any less worried whether Junmyeon is eating properly or has taken his medicine or is drinking enough water or is getting enough rest or is not reading bad comments, but if Junmyeon’s happy, who is he to stand in between that?

Whoa, okay, that went too sentimental, didn’t he? Must be the exhaustion catching up to him. He rolls his shoulders, relishing in the satisfying crack of his joints finding their place once again, and yawns. Junmyeon, by some magical connection (he calls it their _soulmate bond_ , Kyungsoo calls bullshit), also lets out a yawn onscreen and rubs his tired eyes. “Ah, I should rest soon, I have schedules tomorrow morning. I hope he gets me something yummy for breakfast too...Anyway, any last requests before I go?” He asks as he mindlessly plays a random tune on the piano.

Hmm. Kyungsoo reaches for his phone and opens their conversation again, snickering when he sees that Junmyeon managed to send him an angry sticker in response earlier. Dork.

> **To: Junmyeonnie ‘^’**
> 
> _if u play Be My Love by CBX—which i have requested from you multiple times, btw—i’ll send carrot cake and coffee to your studio tmrw. extra frosting (and i’ll talk to donghae hyung for u)_

Junmyeon takes a moment to squint at the comments on his phone, humming one or two bars from some of the suggestions. His phone pings again, and Kyungsoo grins triumphantly when the latter lets out a snort and shakes his head fondly. “Okay, I’ve decided on a song. Everyone, I hope my live gave you strength tonight! I know you are all exhausted from the work week but just hang in there! Here is one last healing song from my juniors to help you sleep well. Good night everyone, stay healthy and have sweet dreams!” He stretches his arms over his head dramatically, laughing at the camera, before starting to sing, deft fingers flying across the keys like a well-choreographed dance. Kyungsoo’s smile turns softer, a little more private, and he closes his eyes as he lets Junmyeon’s calming voice wash over him, dissipating all the exhaustion in his bones and replacing it with comfortable, familiar warmth, something only Junmyeon can bring. 

_Every night, I know there is more to say_

_After wishing sweet dreams_

_Open your heart to me_

_I will take care of the rest_

_Would you be my love?_

🌻

One of the downsides with adult friendships is that shared time is a scarcity, as rare as a blue moon when the circumstances don’t align. Youth brings energy and time that stretch on for ages, making moments feel like they last forever. Adulthood carries with it responsibilities and tight schedules on top of tired muscles and frail bones that get worn down with the daily grind. Technology helps, a little, but nothing truly beats the personal touch, the feeling of sharing a meal together in a restaurant, the sound of laughter mingling in the air without static muffling it, the depth of eye contact to convey understanding and organic reactions to even the most mundane of stories. Not to say that friendships can’t flourish without physical meetups, no. But sometimes all one needs is a warm hug and quality time with a friend to make things better.

It’s especially difficult for Kyungsoo and Junmyeon’s friendship, two adults with schedules packed down to the hour and gargantuan burdens to bear. It doesn’t help that one of them is an actual celebrity, and the other is the head of operations at a busy café at the heart of the city. Normal friends can come over to the other’s workplace and have a meal together after office hours; Junmyeon’s work ends either super late or super early, and Kyungsoo’s days start early and end late on most days. Normal friends can attend housewarming dinners and birthday parties; for Kyungsoo’s café’s opening, Junmyeon was stuck in Japan for a concert, so all he could do on the big day was to send the biggest rice wreath he could order online and promote the shop on his Instagram. Normal friends are updated with each other’s lives; Kyungsoo sometimes resorts to fan accounts to keep track where Junmyeon is, because for all his KakaoTalks about his meals and how tired he is the latter sometimes forgets to update him that he flew across the globe for a magazine shoot. So yes, it’s a struggle, but their friendship has gone through way worse, and they’ve had to weather even more difficult obstacles. Only talking over FaceTime while Kyungsoo prepares the batch of dough for the next day and Junmyeon drives home isn’t even a burden or an oddity; it’s their normal.

Still, they find ways to be there for each other even if not physically. Like Junmyeon’s giant rice wreath on Kyungsoo’s opening day, for one. Kyungsoo also periodically sends Junmyeon food when he makes too much (his manager, Donghae, has long accepted that Kyungsoo’s cooking is an exception to whatever diet Junmyeon was doing at the moment) and reminds him to do ‘normal human’ tasks on Kakao often, like drink his vitamins or bring a portable fan when the weather is too hot or even as simple as stop practicing and eat his goddamn lunch, it’s four, just because he’s not there physically doesn’t mean he _can’t_ make it happen, don’t try him. Little things to show that they care for each other, be it a well-timed call or a random meme or even a simple _how are you holding up?_ message in the middle of the day. They’re too old for grandiose gestures that show how much they care. They don’t need that; it’s already a fact that they do.

But still, it’s nice to be reminded of that fact once in a while, when the opportunity for it arises. And today, such an opportunity is right at Kyungsoo’s fingertips—more specifically, in the email he is currently skimming as he blows on his coffee to cool it.

“Chanyeol-ah,” He calls out, eyes not leaving the screen. “Are we ready to deploy the coffee truck this afternoon?”

“Yes, boss! The tarps got delivered in time with the supplies, Jongin was able to receive them.” Chanyeol, his head barista slash marketing manager, gives him a funny little salute. The seriousness is mitigated by the giant bag of coffee beans he is cradling on his free arm like a child. “Taeil and Kun will man the truck, they’re currently finishing up packing everything at the backroom. 3PM estimated time of arrival on the site, as agreed. Gyeongju-si, right?”

“Yep. Thank you.” Junmyeon’s newest drama is a modern sageuk crossover—whatever that meant—and they’re shooting some scenes for the historical part in the countryside. Junmyeon wouldn’t give him any spoilers, says he can’t divulge anything (as if that stopped him before, seeing as Kyungsoo has copies of his raw solo album demos on his laptop), but one thing’s for sure, it’s too warm to don on traditional clothing and stay outside for hours. Thus, Kyungsoo is sending a surprise food support for the idol, fresh fruit parfaits and cold drinks for all the staff to help them cool down in the summer heat. It’s good publicity, for one, but more than business he wants to support his best friend in any way that he can. That, and Junmyeon has been whining about how the food on set sucks and he misses Kyungsoo’s cooking. It’s the least he could do. He closes the email that he’s been staring at—he has already memorized all the details Donghae hyung sent him, anyway—and downs his coffee in three neat gulps before pulling on his apron. Time to work.

The day passes by in a flour-filled blur—quite literally, because he managed to spill an entire bowl of flour on himself (don’t ask)—and when Kyungsoo finally finds the time to collapse on a chair and take a breather, it’s almost dusk. Their special cake orders took up most of his day, and his arms are sore from all the mixing and kneading he had to do, but at least most of them are out of the way. He lets out a long, exhausted sigh and pulls out his phone to check his messages. Multiple work emails he’ll ignore for now, two texts from his mom (just chain messages, seriously, where does she get these), and—surprise, surprise—a handful of notifications from Junmyeon. One of them is for his Instagram post wherein he tagged the shop’s official page. He’s holding up a strawberries and cream parfait in one hand and flashing a thumbs up with his other hand, posing in front of the sky blue truck happily. He’s wearing the jacket Kyungsoo gave him for Christmas, a blue and white varsity jacket that makes him look like a cool college sunbae, and it somehow works even if he paired it with his pale green scholar’s robes. Kyungsoo smiles to himself, staring at the post fondly for another moment before opening the latter’s messages.

> **From: Junmyeonnie ‘^’**
> 
> [15:12] wah thank you for the food truck soo!! as always, you’re the best~
> 
> [15:13] was kinda hoping you’d come with it too tho? :(
> 
> [15:13] aiyah, my best friend can’t even go down the countryside to visit me~ ㅠㅠ

Kyungsoo lets out a laugh, even when his heart aches a little at the tiny sad faces on his screen. Junmyeon gets whiny when he’s tired, and judging by the amount of pixelated tears, he’s exhausted. 

> **To: Junmyeonnie ‘^’**
> 
> [18:24] sorry, i was swamped with cake orders today. still not done, actually. :( i wanted to come with the kids too so i could get some fresh air and tease you with honorifics, but it’s really been a busy day. i’ll make it up to you? :(
> 
> [18:25] glad you liked the food btw! did taeil give you your banoffee pie?
> 
> **From: Junmyeonnie ‘^’**
> 
> [18:26] silly soo-yah, i’m just joking!! i understand, ofc <3 i just miss u, that’s all :(
> 
> [18:26] and yes! thank u for remembering /this time/ that this is my fave
> 
> [18:27] i’ll eat it when i get back home, we’re on the way back now~ ^^

Kyungsoo looks up at the calendar tacked on the kitchen door. The last cake, the one he’s about to take out of the oven, will be picked up at lunchtime tomorrow, so he still has time to assemble it tomorrow if he just goes to work a little bit earlier than usual. All the rest of the orders for tomorrow are chilling and ready to be put into boxes. _Hmm._

“Hey, Chanyeol?” He calls out for the second time that day, poking his head out of the kitchen and peeking into the service area.

“Yeah, boss?” Chanyeol answers, eyes trained on the milk he is steaming.

“Um. Do you think you can take over closing today?” Kyungsoo asks. “I just, uh, have to go meet someone tonight. Urgent and sudden business.” 

“Yeah, okay! It’s no problem at all,” The taller says cheerfully, flashing him a genuine grin as he turns off the espresso machine.

“Really? Are you sure?” He asks again, for good measure. He’s really not a tyrant employer, and his staff just use ‘boss’ as a fond nickname for him but actually treat him like an older brother, and he feels really bad for ditching work, but it’s rare that their schedules coincide like this…

“Of course. You rarely take nights off, and you slaved over so many cake orders today. You deserve it, Kyungsoo.” Chanyeol assures him as he passes the pitcher of hot milk to one of the younger baristas, who thanks him with a bow. “I got this, okay? Don’t worry about the shop. Go have fun, live a little.”

Kyungsoo smiles gratefully at him. He’s grateful to have such dependable friends working for him, for the way his staff treat one another like family. He really lucked out. “Thanks, Chanyeol-ah. I owe you one.”

“I told you, it’s no problem at all. It’s not like you do this on the regular, and it’s not like we’re not friends. Don’t worry about it and just go.” Chanyeol waves him off, and his smile turns a little mischievous. “Say hello to _him_ for me, yeah? It’s been a while.”

“Park Chanyeol!” He cries in protest, all the wistfulness giving way to frustration (and a touch of embarrassment), but the taller just laughs and goes to rescue a latte from one of their struggling trainees, far away from his wrath. Kyungsoo sighs and closes the kitchen door, running a hand across his face. Guess he’s not that good at hiding after all. He just hopes his plans are not _that_ unpredictable, at least to the one who needs to be kept in the dark.

Night has settled in when Kyungsoo finally gets out of the café, walking as fast as he could to catch the bus. He does catch it, but he runs out of seats—he had to give the last one to a high schooler who looks like he’s about to drop to the ground either from exhaustion or from the sheer weight of the books in his arms. But he’s on a mission and he’s running out of time so he forges on anyway, watching the cars from the window as he barely manages to hold on to the hand rails. He forgot to check traffic stats before he left; for once in his life, he prays for just the right amount of traffic to buy him time. _Just a little bit, universe, just this once,_ he thinks to himself as he all but slams his palm on the red signal button when he sees his stop (and earns himself a glare from the bus driver).

One quick trip to the tiny mart a block away from his destination and Kyungsoo finally pushes the door of a nondescript apartment building, a little out of breath from all the rushing that he had done for the past hour. He pulls out the black keycard he keeps in the inside pocket of his wallet and flashes it at the receptionist, who gives him a tiny wave in greeting. He goes here too often to be able to establish facial recognition, it seems, but he files that thought for later as he runs to catch the elevator before its doors shudder to a close.

Apartment 1201 is empty and cold, like it hasn’t seen any company for a few days. There’s a bit of dust that has settled all over the place, visible even through the mess of clothes and shoes and random music sheets. Kyungsoo toes off his sneakers and places them neatly on the entrance—the only one lined up properly, mind—and puts on the fluffy penguin house slippers from the shoe rack, the warmth of the faux fur comforting on his tired feet. He pads towards the kitchen and places the bags of groceries on the counter as he moves towards the fridge to get a quick drink. As expected, it’s empty, much like the entire area; not that it sees much on a normal day. Kyungsoo shakes his head as he fills up a glass of water, and mentally notes down the things he will nag about later: fix the shoes, clean up the music sheets, get proper groceries (indomie does not count), throw away the dead succulent in the living room, stop buying succulents and leaving them to die. Quite a long list, he thinks as he grabs the apron from the oven door and puts it on. He should type it out later, lest he forgets (or crumbles and gives in to doing everything himself, the more likely option). For now, dinner preparations. He puts a big pot of water on the stove and dumps in a packet of dried shrimps—hesitates for a moment, before adding another—and a few red peppers that he chopped in half. He tosses in two pieces of kombu for good measure and a handful of dried anchovies, just because he found some in the cupboards while he was looking for seasonings, before putting all the shiitake mushrooms the corner store had in stock. Which was not much, but he did get a lot of good sirloin, so he counts his blessings and lets his broth bubble away happily. In another pan—seriously, these high-quality pans are wasted on a kitchen that gets barely used—he stir-fries his beef with oyster sauce and a dash of the soup, the delicious aromas mingling and dissipating the chill of the apartment.

The rice cooker beeps in harmony with the door unlocking, and Kyungsoo looks up from the green onions he was chopping at the sound of a familiar, harp-like voice calling out, “Um, hello? Who’s there and what are you cooking?”

“Gukbap,” He replies, loud enough to be heard over the staccato beats of his knife hitting the cutting board. “Come, everything is just about ready.”

A crash, a muffled “Ow, fuck,” and shuffling before Junmyeon pops out of the entryway, looking pleasantly surprised. He’s still wearing his varsity jacket, and it makes him look young despite the dark circles under his eyes. “Kyungsoo!” He exclaims happily, throwing his arms around him. He smells like the sun and the sea and strawberries and _Junmyeon_ , warm and musky and homey, and Kyungsoo finds himself smiling as he presses his cheek against soft, sleep-rumpled hair. “What are you doing here?”

“I said I’ll make it up to you for not being able to visit your filming site, didn’t I?” He says as Junmyeon lets go of him and moves to inspect the food on the stove with shining eyes. “I finished work early so I figured I’d come and surprise you with dinner when you get back. You haven’t eaten, right?”

“Nope. I’m _starving,_ Kyungsoo, I really am,” Junmyeon whines, latching onto his arm in a flair of dramatics. Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. “The food on set was so bland, and I couldn’t get anything delivered because we were filming a plot twist and we couldn’t risk leaks. I was so hungry. Poor, poor Junmyeon, left to fend for himself with his secret stash of Pepero…”

“If you’re really hungry, then you should’ve sat down instead of clinging to me like this.” Kyungsoo snorts, shaking the other man off so he could prepare their dinner. “Be useful and set the table.”

“Ah, Kyungsoo, is this how you treat your best friend? With a cold shoulder and no sympathy at all? I missed you a lot and this is what I get,” Junmyeon bemoans, even as he does what he’s told and grabs the utensils from the cupboard. He makes a show of noisily rustling the chopsticks, but he breaks into a grin after a while and makes himself comfortable on the dining table. Kyungsoo dutifully ignores him as he continues placing meat on top of the rice, but he still makes sure to add extra to Junmyeon’s serving. He tops off their bowls with dried seaweed and green onions before ladling the broth all over the meticulously arranged food, just the way they both like it. He fishes out most of the mushrooms from the pot and places all but one in Junmyeon’s bowl—he lets himself have a piece, as a treat—before placing the warm meal in front of the eagerly awaiting idol. “Hope you like it, I had to make do with the stuff at the corner store,” He says, suddenly self-conscious of the meal that he just made. It suddenly feels too simple, too boring, too bland, too _wrong,_ and he almost wants to take it back and just order better food to be safe.

“It’s your cooking, I’ll always enjoy it.” Junmyeon smiles at him gratefully, the one that makes his nose scrunch up, the one that he reserves for when the cameras are off and he sheds off his idol persona, the one that Kyungsoo always sees, and all his concerns dissipate like the steam from their dinners. “Thank you, Kyungsoo.”

Kyungsoo smiles back as he watches the latter excitedly mix his food and eat it with much gusto, relishing in the warmth of the broth in his stomach and the warmth of Junmyeon’s presence in front of him, making the once cold apartment feel alive and full of light and finally feel like a resting place, a safe space, a home.

_Welcome home._

🌻

Kyungsoo is a simple man with simple needs and simple joys. He loves his cafe, loves cooking, loves enjoying a freshly brewed cup of coffee with a warm buttery pastry while listening to a podcast on weekends, and loves EXO-CBX.

Yes, that’s right folks, Doh Kyungsoo, chef and owner of the famous Cosmic Railway Bakes N’ Brews, is a CBX fanboy. And no, he’s not just some casual listener who chances upon their comeback stages in music shows. He joins streaming parties to make their songs chart, he goes through ticketing wars, he preorders their albums, he even flew once to Japan to watch their special concert there. He runs a fan account on Twitter and does a bit of translating for international fans, he visits exhibits of fansites (after he confirms that they’re not the stalkerish ones, of course), and he even holds cup sleeve events at his café on the members’ birthdays and other special days. Kyungsoo is a _fan_ fan, and he’s proud of it.

Junmyeon, who has been nothing but supportive in all his endeavors, who has been an idol for over five years now, and who is EXO-CBX’s senior labelmate, doesn’t get it.

“They’re my juniors! It’s weird to see your little _shrine_ and not think of you as one of those crazy fans who go wild in the airport.” He complains as he scowls at the CBX merch on full display in Kyungsoo’s living room, arms crossed petulantly.

“Okay, first of all, it’s a simple IKEA shelf, not a shrine,” Kyungsoo says as he scrubs a plate with soapy hot water, pink dishwashing gloves squeaking happily, “And second of all, you know I’m not a rabid fan. I just like CBX! What’s wrong with that?”

“It’s just _weird_ ,” Junmyeon repeats without really elaborating on it, poking through the meticulously arranged shelf. “I mean, your best friend is an idol, too. Where’s _my_ nondescript IKEA shelf of merch?”

“In my bedroom, on the nice wooden bookshelf beside my cookbooks. Didn’t you see them when you woke up from your nap?” Kyungsoo answers. His voice is even, but the sponge is scrubbing across a baking dish with more force than necessary.

“And look, you even got a collection of cup sleeves for them,” Junmyeon continues his rambling, inspecting the stacks of cup sleeves he keeps there. “Did you even hold one for me, Kyungsoo? Your best friend since _conception_?”

“Yes, every year on your birthday. And during your comeback dates. One for your drama debut too, and one for your musical debut.”

Junmyeon is obviously tuning him out at this point, too caught up in his dramatic spiel. “Ah, woe is me, Suho is way beyond his prime, he is but a one hit wonder—”

“Didn’t your third album just hit platinum?”

“—What is left of me, my juniors have taken over, I have no face to show the public, who is this Suho guy who keeps clogging their notifications? They only know of EXO-CBX, the young and hip group from SM Entertainment—”

“You’re number two in the Male Idols Brand Ranking for the sixth month straight, and the reason why you can’t clinch number one is because Lee Minho’s new drama is thirty episodes long and the plot caters to both teenagers and ahjummas. Baekhyun is like, what, fourteenth this month? Chen is twenty-fourth, Xiumin is around thirty-two.”

“Oh, and how did you know? Through your fan account?” Junmyeon huffs. “You don’t even have one for me, you don’t care about _my_ whereabouts—”

“I just told you you’re number two for six months straight, Jesus, are you even listening to me?”

“—my own best friend, my comrade even before I was born, didn’t even join my official fanclub—”

“I have my ACE membership kit to prove it, don’t test me. I waited months for that, by the way. _Months._ I even had to follow it up to Donghae hyung.”

“—all he cares about are the fresh faces of show business, no room for me, poor poor me.” A pause, and Kyungsoo fervently hopes he is done with his tantrum, but before he can even finish his wish, Junmyeon lets out a loud gasp. “What is _this_?”

“What now,” He mutters to himself before turning to check what exactly is the latter whining about now. In Junmyeon’s hands is a fat doll dressed up in an ebi tempura onesie. It almost looks comical in the idol’s hands, considering what it was. “Oh. It’s my Baekhyun doll.”

“What even,” Junmyeon holds it out, face contorted in a mixture of confusion and, well, more confusion. “This doesn’t look like Baekhyun-ah at all. Well, except for the mole. And the shape of the mouth. And the—okay, I kind of see it, but _what_."

“They’re fan made dolls, made to look like idols. Fans bring them around to travels or cafés and dress them up in cute clothes.” Kyungsoo explains, going back to washing the dishes. “They’re cute and cuddly and make for great photos.”

“Huh.” The idol blinks at the doll, examining it carefully. “Do I have a doll version?"

“Oh yeah, a lot. Your fans are very creative. I don’t have one, though.” He shrugs, and immediately regrets it when he hears Junmyeon gasp loudly.

“You don’t? But you have CBX dolls? _Soo_ ,” He whines.

“They were sold out even before I can find a reliable group order!” Kyungsoo says defensively. It’s true; he wanted the Suho doll that looks like a little sheep, complete with curly fur, but slots for orders were closed before he could even remove his apron and take a break at the café.

“Well, why don’t you make one yourself?"

“I don’t know how to design them, and I don’t know any manufacturers. Unless you want your doll to be made of coffee cups and filled with coffee grounds.”

“Well, you could just buy one—”

“Junmyeon, I told you, they’re sold out _everywhere_. And they’re made to order. I can’t just get one from a toy shop.”

A sniff. “But you were able to buy one for Baekhyun, even got him a tiny tempura onesie…Doll me would look good in one…”

Kyungsoo lets out a long, deep sigh as he places the last glass on the drying rack, finally done with the dishes. He peels off his gloves and hangs them to dry before joining Junmyeon in the living room. “All right, what’s this about?” He asks, crossing his arms.

“Nothing. Here’s your Baekhyun, have fun with it while I mope. In my cold flat. Alone, because my best friend would rather hang out with nigiri than me.” Junmyeon pushes Tempura Baekhyun into his (still crossed) arms before moving away, but Kyungsoo catches his wrist and pulls him back before he can even take a step.

“Are you _jealous_?” He says incredulously, laughing when blotches of pink dot Junmyeon’s cheeks like peaches. “Junmyeon, really? After all this time?”

“Why would I be jealous of tempura,” The latter replies, but he’s pouting.

Kyungsoo snorts and places the doll back on the shelf before reaching up to squish the latter’s warm cheeks together, like kneading dough. “Exactly. Now, I don’t know what brought this up, what kind of articles have you been reading again, but for now, just listen to me, okay?” The idol nods, blinking sadly at him, and Kyungsoo is endeared, so endeared. “Suho is still my favorite idol. I just like EXO-CBX’s music, and yeah they’re funny and charming and cute, but my ultimate bias is human harp and the nation’s soloist Suho, band sound king Suho, bunny king Suho. Even if I got my ACE kit three months late, I am and will always be his number one Bunny Citizen.”

“You just say that because I’m your best friend.” Junmyeon mumbles, and it’s a miracle he even understands, but he supposes the _soulmate bond_ comes in handy sometimes. 

“Um, duh. I just don’t claim to be your number one fan like your hordes of fangirls. It’s an established and irrefutable fact.” Kyungsoo shrugs. “But okay, fine. Who did I call up to spend my rare day off so we can watch shitty Netflix romcoms in our pajamas? Baekhyun or Suho?”

“Suho,” The latter sniffs.

“Mhm. And who was the reason why instead of the chimaek I was planning to order, I instead slaved at the kitchen all morning—on my rare day off, mind—to make doenjang jjigae and pajeon? Baekhyun or Suho?” He asks again patiently.

“I wanted soup, it’s rainy outside,” Junmyeon huffs in lieu of answering. Kyungsoo lets out a questioning sound, and he sighs. “Suho.”

“That’s right.” Kyungsoo nods emphatically, chuckling at Junmyeon wrinkling his nose at him. “Because Baekhyun may be my favorite KPop boy, and I may have lucked out at securing a slot for his doll because a friend of mine backed out and gave me her slot, but he will never be the first and only person I’d rather spend my day off with. Not that I’d turn down a meal with my idol, but you get my point.”

“He chews loudly,” Junmyeon says, but his eyes look less sad now, his shoulders less slumped. Kyungsoo laughs at him as he lets go of pink, pink cheeks, even if his fingers itch to touch some more.

“You’re such a big baby. Questioning my loyalty so easily like that, as if you don’t know me.” He chastises, but there’s no real heat to his words as he gathers the latter into a warm hug, rubbing his back tenderly. “But that’s okay. Sometimes we just need the assurance that we are loved. And you are, Junmyeon-ah. So much.”

“...Thank you,” He feels more than hears Junmyeon say it against his collar, breath hot and muggy against the fabric, and his smile turns wistful. He doesn’t fully understand all of Junmyeon’s struggles, especially the pressure from the press. He doesn't fully understand what it meant to compete for the spotlight, how competitive the industry is and how it takes a toll on the artists. He probably never will, but that’s okay. What matters is that he’s here now. Later, he’ll admonish Junmyeon for lurking in the comments section _again_ , and much later, he’ll scout eBay for that sheep Junmyeon doll he liked. But for now, he’ll try his best to hug all of Junmyeon’s melancholy away, to cheer him up and bring back the gleam in his eyes.

Because hey, what are number one fans for?

🌻

In some ways, it feels like he’s going to battle.

However, except instead of armor, he still has his apron dusted with cocoa powder and powdered sugar; instead of a sword, he has on one hand Chanyeol’s gaming mouse (for good luck), and on the other a printout of Lotte Concert Hall’s seat plan; and instead of a militia, his enemy is his own work laptop, the ticketing site for EXO-CBX’s summer fanmeet staring right back at him dauntingly.

Time check: 5:59:04PM.

“You ready, hyung?” Jongin asks as he massages Kyungsoo’s shoulders as a show of support. He’s also a CBX fan, but the date of the fanmeet coincides with his nephew’s birthday party, and he cannot in good conscience abandon his beloved nephew for a concert.

“No,” Kyungsoo croaks, but he positions the cursor to the refresh button anyway. Everyone and their mothers know that ticketing is tough, much more big acts like EXO-CBX. Their last tour sold out in a _minute_. He sends a quick prayer to the wifi gods that his cafe wifi, which he purposefully splurged on especially for the students who camp out and study in the second floor during finals week, holds up to the expensive plan he is paying every month, and—

Time check: 6:00:00PM.

“Go go go!” Jongin cheers as Kyungsoo refreshes the site and moves at lightning speed, trying his best to get a seat, any seat, even if it’s not the ones highlighted in neon yellow on his printout, just a seat, he just needs to see his favorite boys—

Time check: 6:00:14PM.

“It’s sold out,” Kyungsoo says numbly, staring at the blank screen. “It’s been fourteen seconds. _How_.”“Were you able to get a seat, hyung?” Jongin asks, and immediately falters when the error page pops up on screen. “Oh no. Oh hyung, I’m sorry…”

Kyungsoo lets out a long, tired sigh and buries his face in his hands frustratedly. Ticketing wars is a normal occurrence in the KPop fandom, so much so that they made CFs and KDrama scenes about it, and there are even expert studies on the probabilities during ticketing. He has lucked out on some events and failed to get tickets for others. Still, it doesn’t make seeing the error message any easier, and he lets himself mope for a few moments, taking comfort in the warmth of Jongin’s hands soothingly rubbing his shoulders and refusing to look at his laptop. Maybe if he closes his eyes long enough, the error page will disappear.

Someone hesitantly knocks on his office door, but he doesn’t look up even when Mark, his newest part-timer, calls out to him softly, “Um, boss?”

“Yes, Mark? Need any help?” Jongin, bless him, answers for him with no doubt a gentle smile on his face. He’s always been good with the trainees, patiently herding them to learn the craft of coffee and its many intricacies with his deep, soothing voice. Kyungsoo couldn’t have picked a better hoobae to be his cafe’s manager.

“Ah, Jongin hyung, we’re fine. There’s, um. Someone for boss, and he’s, uh, _hiding_ in the kitchen,” Mark continues, and the disbelief in his voice, the confusion palpable in the pauses, and the slight crack in his tone that is always present when he gets too excited all finally click. He forgot that Mark has not gone through what Chanyeol has dubbed the Cosmic Railway Initiation, also known as their new hires’ first encounter with Kyungsoo’s best friend. Ah, well. No time like the present. He lets out another sigh, shorter and less frustrated this time, and looks up from his moping. Jongin, bless his heart, has closed the laptop for him, so all he sees is the college freshman peeking from his door like a chastised puppy.

“All right. Tell him to go here instead and do _not_ touch anything along the way. God knows what kind of havoc he’ll wreck there,” He says, and Jongin muffles his laughter against his fist as he makes his way to accompany the bewildered boy out. “Thanks, Mark. Jongin—”

“One chamomile tea, honey and a splash of milk, one Americano, and a carrot cake slice because we ran out of banoffee pie. Got it, boss.” Jongin winks at him, herding the still lost-looking Mark out of the doorway. Kyungsoo hears the younger whisper-yell _boss knows Suho?!_ and he presses the heels of his palms to his eyes to hopefully stave off the headache he feels creeping up his temples, relishing instead in the silence of his office.

“Your new part-timer is a nervous wreck, isn’t he?” A melodic voice breaks said silence, and Kyungsoo looks up to see said creeping headache—he’s kidding, sort of—nudging his office door with his hip to close it. He’s holding their drinks in a tray, and somehow he looks just like a Cosmic Railway barista with his black turtleneck neatly tucked in gray plaid slacks, except that his baristas are not dumb enough to wear sunglasses inside the cafe.

“Cut him some slack. It’s his initiation day,” Kyungsoo replies, and Junmyeon lets out a soft _ah_ of understanding before placing the tray on his table and making himself comfortable in the chair across him. “What are you doing here? Don’t you have vocal training?”

“Cancelled it. They still had to finalize some of the stages for the CBX fanmeet, and since my comeback isn’t near, I just told them to prioritize that and to just drop me off here,” The idol explains as he reaches for one of the forks, then immediately lights up. “Oh! Isn’t ticketing today? How did it go?”

Instead of replying, Kyungsoo groans and covers his face with his hands once again. He knows Junmyeon means well, but he can’t help but be a little hurt at the reminder. It hasn’t even been an hour, give him space to grieve before he scours the internet for tickets. He feels a cold hand pat his head comfortingly, and he lets out a mournful sound. “Poor baby.” He hears Junmyeon chuckle, and he swats the hand away.

“I’m feeding you the best carrot cake in Seoul and you give me mockery as thanks,” He huffs, but there’s no real heat in his tone as he snatches the idol’s fork from him and takes a big bite of cake. He’s not lying, it’s really good. His best friend should be more grateful.

“I actually paid for that, but okay.” Junmyeon shrugs, laughing when Kyungsoo threatens to throw his fork at him. “I’m kidding, Kyungsoo-yah, jeez. Come, let’s just watch Marvel movies in my apartment so you cheer up. I’ll cook for you too, how does that sound?”

“Terrible,” Kyungsoo replies flatly. “I’d rather try ticketing again.”

“Hey, the bulgogi last time wasn’t _that_ bad—” The latter protests, but he holds up a hand to stop his blundering.

“Junmyeon, honey, you practically mutilated the onions. Must I go on?”

“Eh, knife skills, cooking skills, potato, po-tah-toh.” Junmyeon waves his hand airily as he takes a sip of his coffee. “All right, Chef Doh, we can get takeout instead so you won’t get stressed at my cooking. Better?”

Kyungsoo stares at him exasperatedly, fork paused in the air mid-bite. Junmyeon just beams happily in response and takes the fork from him, stuffing the cake into his mouth for him. “We’ll get pizza, half four cheese and half pepperoni,” He singsongs, knowing full well that Kyungsoo will not say no.

Well. It’s not like he’s wrong.

“Make it stuffed crust and you got a deal.” He mutters around a mouthful of cake, rolling his eyes when Junmyeon punches the air in a dorky victory dance. “You’re so annoying. Do your fans know you’re this annoying?”

“Only for you, Soo-yah~” Junmyeon chirps, polishing off the last of the cake before jumping up. “Now let’s go! Captain America awaits!”

“Idiot.” Kyungsoo huffs, but there’s a ghost of a smile on his lips as he takes his cup of tea—Jongin had the foresight to put them in takeout cups, bless him—and follows Junmyeon out of his office and into the service area. “Wait here, I’ll get the car downstairs. I’ll just honk when I’m outside.” He instructs the idol, who waves him off and ambles to the cake counter where a _very_ starstruck Mark is arranging the last batch of macarons for the day.

“Should I tell the kid that Junmyeon hyung allows Cosmic Railway staff to take selcas with him?” Jongin muses as he wipes down the blenders with a washcloth. “He’s asked me like, fifteen times how you guys met. I’ve been changing the story each time.”

Kyungsoo snorts as he tugs off his apron and tosses it into the bin by the counter. “Cut him some slack, Jongin-ah.” He tuts, squeezing the younger’s arm fondly. “We’ll get going, you guys okay here?”

“Yep, don’t worry. Have a great night, hyung! Cheer up!” Jongin waves at him, and Kyungsoo smiles gratefully as he makes his way down to the basement parking of the cafe. Good thing he brought his car with him to work today; God knows he can’t ride the bus with Junmyeon in tow, of all people. He shudders at the thought of Junmyeon commuting—Donghae hyung will surely have his head on a platter before they can even alight—and drives out of the parking, slowing neatly to a stop right in front of the cafe. He honks his horn thrice, watching with an exasperatedly fond smile as Junmyeon hurries out of Cosmic Railway, shades and mask obscuring his face well enough in the darkness. He hops into the car, phone glued to his ear as he fumbles with the seatbelt.

“Okay hyung, I’ll take care of it. I’ll drop by your office tomorrow,” Junmyeon says into the phone, grinning widely. Kyungsoo wonders why he’s so happy talking about work stuff, but he lowers the radio volume anyway. “Yes, just one. Hm? Oh, okay. Yep, I’ll try to give it by next week at the latest. Okay, if there’s anything else, let me know. Thanks again hyung, I owe you one. Bye.” He ends the call and immediately shifts to face Kyungsoo. “Hey, Soo?”

“Hm? What’s up?” Kyungsoo slows down to a stop at a red light and glances at his passenger. Junmyeon looks _very_ excited; he wonders if he managed to sweet talk Mark into giving him a free macaron.“So you know how you hate your photos being taken and posted on the internet when my fans see us together?” Junmyeon begins, fingers tapping in a frenzied dance on his lap. Two macarons, then.

“Yes. The sentiment still stands. What about it?” He raises a brow as the light turns green, and he zooms towards the general direction of Junmyeon’s apartment building.

“I was hoping you can make a teeny tiny exception? Just for one night?” Junmyeon asks, grin still a little manic around the edges, like he’s bursting with barely contained energy. Three macarons? Mark, please.

“What for,” Kyungsoo asks back warily. “Do you want to upload a selca tonight? My skin is terrible.”

“No no no, not tonight.” The idol takes a deep breath before continuing, the words tumbling out of his mouth like they cannot wait to materialize: “ImayhavegotteninvitedtoCBX’sfanmeetandImanagedtogetyouatickettojoinmeandthey’refrontrowseatsbutfanswillmostlikelyincludeyouinphotosofme—”

The car screeches to a halt—really, the stoplights are not cooperating today—and Kyungsoo whirls to face Junmyeon, who is wringing his hands in a mixture of excitement and anxiety. “ _What_ ,” He says, voice shaking.

“I got invited to CBX’s fanmeet and I’m allowed one guest, so I managed to get you a ticket so you could join me,” Junmyeon repeats, slower this time, grin never faltering. No macarons then, just overall excitement. “Jongin gave me your preferred seats so I had them take that into consideration. My only concern is that fans will take photos of me being there, and you’ll most likely be included because the seats are close together and it’ll be hard to crop you out. Thus me asking if you can make an exception for once. Just this once!”

“I—” Kyungsoo gapes at him, at a loss for words, and he belatedly realizes that the light has already turned green when the car behind him honks rather angrily. He quickly drives off, steadying his shaking hands on the steering wheel. “Junmyeon, Junmy—no, I can’t, this is too much—”

“Kyungsoo.” Junmyeon reaches over the center console to take one of his hands and encases them in his own cold ones. Junmyeon has always had cold hands, but today they feel soothing to Kyungsoo’s harried nerves. “It’s okay. I wanted to do this for you.”

“Junmyeon, _no_ ,” He insists, shaking his head so hard he sees spots of light flicker in front of his eyes. “It’s too much, it’s really too much. I don’t—I don’t deserve it, no, it’s too much. I’ll be fine, there’s a next fanmeet, I can try then—”“No, it’s not too much,” The latter corrects him patiently, patting his still shaking hands. “I didn’t have to ask a favor or anything, since I was really allowed to bring a guest. I just had to let Leeteuk-hyung who I was bringing because they’re finalizing the complimentary tickets so they can raffle off the free ones. The rest of our conversation was about the lyrics I was supposed to submit for Yixing’s comeback next quarter.”

“Still, Junmyeon-ah, this is too much, I don’t deserve it,” He says weakly. “I didn’t stay friends with you to get perks like this. It’s too much.”

“Whoa, okay, who’s questioning whose loyalty so easily now?” Junmyeon laughs, parroting back his teasing words when it was the idol who was having a breakdown before. “Kyungsoo, you _do_ deserve it. You’ve been working so hard, you deserve to see your idols, and if I can help make that happen, I will. And I am! And hey, I know you’re not just using me for free tickets. I never thought of it like that. This is the first time we’re watching a concert together with company-sponsored tickets. We still paid for all the movie premieres nights I dragged you to. Where did you even get the idea that you’re using our friendship? That’s silly.”

“But…” Kyungsoo tries to argue, but Junmyeon squeezes his hand reassuringly, shaking his head earnestly and cutting off any further arguments from him.

“Soo-yah, Soo-yah, just let me take care of you for once, yeah?” He singsongs in his usual annoying voice, the one that he uses when he knows he has won the argument. And honestly, how can Kyungsoo say no to _that,_ so he lets out a long, exasperated sigh that turns into a huff when Junmyeon cheers and raises their joined hands together like they’re at a boxing match.

“I’d punch you, if I wasn’t so grateful.” He grumbles, but a smile tugs up his lips anyway. Damn it.

“Love you too.” Junmyeon winks at him, and Kyungsoo finds himself laughing with the latter as they cruise the almost empty highway. 

> **[NEWS] Suho gives strength to juniors EXO-CBX, attends Summer Vacation in Lotte**
> 
> [+522] ah suho oppa is so handsome ㅠㅠ cbx is lucky to have such a fanboy ㅠㅠ
> 
> [+480] suho oppa singing along to cbx songs so effortlessly...such a good senior, cbx is lucky...sm family jjang
> 
> [+401] suho’s smile when be my love played + the way he looks at his seatmate...wish it were me ㅠㅠ beanie oppa what does it feel to have the sun shine on you like that ㅠㅠ
> 
> [+365] suho oppa seems to like be my love a lot!! he played it in vlive as well
> 
> [+203] suho doesn’t seem pleased at baekhyun’s solo ㅋㅋㅋ oppa it’s okay we love you~ ㅋㅋㅋ
> 
> [+112] is it just me or suho oppa and his friend in the beanie look good together? ㅋㅋㅋ

🌻

Junmyeon is on the front page of Dispatch when Kyungsoo gets off work.

“A dating scandal,” He says flatly, staring at his phone screen with a deep furrow in his brow. Multiple emotions are swirling in his gut—anger, frustration, sympathy, worry—but for the most part, he’s just unimpressed. “Your new drama is garnering double digit ratings by the episode, is slated to be the next tvN hit, and is about to release a star-studded OST, and they come up with a dating scandal.”

“Guess they were running out of ammo and targets. Netizens seem to be adamant on boycotting them after their blind item articles for their April Fools couple thing.” Junmyeon takes a moody swig of his soju, groaning as the alcohol trickles down his throat.

“Right. And attacking the most famous soloist in Korea at the moment is a good way to bring back their credibility. Sure.” Kyungsoo snorts, scrolling through the article. “Aw, cute, you got matching beanies.”

“They’re both black and Nike, I think half of Myeongdong has one.” Junmyeon shakes his head. “Did you read about the part where we used our Paris Fashion Week gigs to go to secret Europe dates?”

“Not yet. Do these reporters even know high fashion?” He snorts again and skims further for the said breakthrough. “What did SM say?”

“The execs are livid at Dispatch, of course. The managers are mostly laughing because they’re not even sure if Joohyun has my number saved under a contact.” The idol cracks a smile at that, but it’s wry and tired. Bae Joohyun, his alleged secret girlfriend, is his fellow soloist from SM Entertainment. They’re good friends, being of the same age and being both soloists in a company that prides itself with its idol groups, but Joohyun doesn’t even reply to his KakaoTalks about work stuff. “Donghae hyung thinks it’s a move to sabotage her upcoming comeback, because SM informed all the major news outlets but them about it.”

“Classy.” Kyungsoo closes the article—delusional shippers on Twitter have done better research and connections, honestly—and shifts closer to the latter, nudging their shoulders together. “And you? How are you holding up?”

Junmyeon sighs and takes another swig of soju, and that’s all Kyungsoo needs for an answer. They’re currently camped out in Kyungsoo’s flat, sitting on the floor even if he has a perfectly functional sofa, surrounded by soju bottles and beer cans that require a little bit of Russian roulette guessing as to which ones are empty and which ones are good for consuming. Half-eaten burgers sit on the coffee table, Kyungsoo’s attempt to get Junmyeon to eat before he gets shitfaced drunk, and an untouched box of chicken is being kept warm inside his microwave for later’s drunken munchies. So, no, he’s not faring well, but Donghae hyung commanded Junmyeon to stay with him first for safety purposes while the news is being controlled, and Chanyeol and Jongin, being big fans themselves, agreed to take over the cafe for a while, so Kyungsoo clinks their soju bottles together and they both take a healthy swig, groaning in unison afterwards.

“I checked the comments again, while waiting for you to arrive.” Junmyeon admits quietly. “I think what’s hitting me harder is that some fans were outrageous not at the fact that Dispatch tried to ruin my reputation, but that I was potentially dating someone.”

Kyungsoo bites back his usual admonishment of not checking the comments; instead, he guides Junmyeon’s head to rest on his shoulder, cradling it gently like it’s the world’s most precious treasure, and lets him speak.

“I understand that I owe my fans my achievements, that I wouldn’t be where I am today without their support. But they don’t own me.” The latter rubs his eyes tiredly, even if he has run out of tears to shed. “Why do I feel like I’m not allowed to love? When has loving someone ever become a crime? Everyone kept referencing the lyrics that I wrote, said I shouldn’t write about unrequited love and longing when I am dating. Who are they to tell me what to write? They don’t know me, don’t know all the corners of my heart, don’t know the Kim Junmyeon behind their beloved Suho. How dare they.”

“Shh, shh. I know. I understand.” Kyungsoo murmurs softly, gently, running a hand up and down his arm comfortingly. He feels the collar of his work shirt get a little damp, but he doesn’t mind, doesn’t call him out on it, just holds Junmyeon close, as if that will protect him from the harshness of this world. He tamps down the ugly feelings that continue to swirl in his gut—anger, frustration, sympathy, worry, and something bitter that almost feels like _jealousy_ —because that’s not what Junmyeon needs, not right now.

Later, much later, when the sky is a deep blue velvet expanse of emptiness and the streets are quiet and the television is showing nothing but home shopping ads, when the coffee table is a field of crushed beer cans and empty soju bottles and burger wrappers, and when the floor has become too uncomfortable for their admittedly aging bones, they migrate to the couch, a bundle of warm, tipsy limbs piled ungracefully on the old brown thing. Junmyeon’s head is on Kyungsoo’s lap, and Kyungsoo’s legs are propped up on the messy coffee table.

Sometime in the middle of an infomercial for a Spiderman waffle maker, Junmyeon speaks up: “Do you want to elope with me?”

Kyungsoo promptly chokes on his beer.

“I’m serious, you know.” Junmyeon continues, even if his speech is slower than usual and he can barely sit up without tumbling back down. His eyes are still trained on the television, but his stare is blank and unseeing with a drunken haze. “I’ll announce it on Lysn, attach a handwritten letter or whatever fans want from me. Give Dispatch a run for its money by making my own dating announcement. Then disappear. Wouldn’t that be nice?”

For Kyungsoo’s drunk brain, it kind of does, but the rational part of his mind—one that is fighting a losing battle against his nth beer, mind—tells him no, so he says, “Junmyeon, no. We can’t do that.”

“Sure we can. I have a lot of savings from my career, you can sell the cafe to Chanyeol, we can migrate somewhere and live peaceful lives.” Junmyeon smiles at him, nose scrunching up just enough to hide the sadness behind everything. But Kyungsoo knows, Kyungsoo notices, even if he’s drunk. Soulmate bond or whatever. “We can move to New York. We’ve always wanted to go to New York together, right? Since middle school or something. Let’s migrate to New York, Soo-yah.”

It’s getting harder and harder to resist Junmyeon’s offer, but Kyungsoo takes a resolute swig of beer and chuckles instead. “You still remember that?” He asks instead, avoiding the question altogether, because if he even considers the offer there won’t be a no on the list of options.

“‘Course. We promised. Pinky swore and all.” Junmyeon rubs his eyes again, and Kyungsoo gently swats them away. His contacts are probably starting to annoy him. “I remember we’d go to Times Square, then walk around Central Park, and eat fancy food. We can do that for our honeymoon, a city tour. Then find a nice apartment to live in, like in FRIENDS.”

“Junmyeon, don’t be silly. We can’t elope to New York that easily.” He admonishes, taking the almost empty bottle of soju from the latter and placing it on the coffee table. Hesitates, before trading his beer and gulping the rest of Junmyeon’s soju down. If they’re having this conversation, he needs to get more alcohol in his system.

“No?” Junmyeon blinks up at him, confused, like he’s really considering this entire shebang and it’s not just some drunken blabber. “Why, do you want us to date for a bit first? I’m okay with that.”

Kyungsoo’s ears and neck burn at the thought. “The internet is already at your ass for even potentially dating Bae Joohyun, it’ll rip you apart for dating a commoner,” He says. He hopes the acid in his tone is not evident.

Junmyeon wrinkles his nose at that. “You’re not a commoner. You’re a businessman. A CEO. A chef.” He closes his eyes, breathing shallowly a bit before opening them again. “You’re my bestest friend in the whole wide universe. My Soo-yah.”

Instead of replying, Kyungsoo simply smiles and runs a hand across Junmyeon’s face to close his eyes, his thumb smoothing out the furrow in his brow. “Sleep. We’ll deal with this tomorrow.”

“Offer’s still on the table,” Junmyeon mumbles as he buries his face in Kyungsoo’s stomach, drifting off to sleep.

He knows. And oh, how he wants to take him up on it. He can already imagine the streets of New York at the back of his mind, how they’d fit right in the hustle and bustle that never wanes even as the night comes. He can imagine their tiny shared flat, cluttered and _theirs_ , with big windows and cream-colored furniture and perhaps a dog, if their building allows it. He can even imagine staying here in Seoul, ducking to avoid the paparazzi after a dinner date, spending rare days off together on the couch watching crappy reality TV, dropping by each other’s workplaces without pretense. Oh, how Kyungsoo yearns to accept the offer, to be selfish for the both of them for once and to choose where they’ll be at peace. Where they’ll be happy.

But. There’s always a but. Kyungsoo looks down at Junmyeon’s sleeping face, half hidden in the soft fabric of his grey button up, finally at peace after a long day. Dating is an additional burden, hiding it another one entirely, going public even more so. Junmyeon’s shoulders are already laden with too many problems, too many responsibilities, too many duties. He is Sisyphus, carrying the weight of the world’s expectations on his back every single day. Kyungsoo cannot, for all the selfishness in the world, add even a pebble to that boulder. Junmyeon has never expressed desires to date, but if he were to do so, he deserves someone who would be willing to share in his burden. He does not need Kyungsoo, who is a pebble, a shackle pulling him back from reaching his potential, a commoner not worthy of a star.

He finishes his beer, turns his attention back to the infomercial, and does not let himself yearn for a future that will never be.

(SM Entertainment settles the issue with a denial and a lawsuit a week later. Kyungsoo finds out about it in an article that Chanyeol shoves in his face triumphantly the moment he enters the cafe. He smiles and pointedly ignores the advertisement for flights to New York on the bottom of the page.)

🌻

Kyungsoo is in love with Junmyeon.

He supposes it’s inevitable. Who wouldn’t be in love with Kim Junmyeon? Star student, role model, filial son, textbook example of a good sunbae. Smart, well-mannered, talented, funny, loyal. Beautiful, inside and out. The embodiment of sunshine, of the gentle ocean’s breeze, of the warmth of a hearth on a winter night. The only thing constant in Kyungsoo’s ever changing life, the only thing that has kept him grounded despite all the major developments, all the major drawbacks, all the major decisions, and all the in betweens that come with growing up. Junmyeon is his better half, his soulmate, the only one in the world who knows him for who he truly is, in some aspects even better than he knows himself. They grew up together, went through hell and back together, rose to the top together. Junmyeon is his rock, his lighthouse, his North Star, whatever clichés YA fiction writers use these days.

Sometimes, he wonders. Wonders if it’s worth taking the risk. They may both have terrible eyesight, but Kyungsoo sees the way Junmyeon looks at him, feels the love in every touch, hears the longing with every song and every conversation. He knows that all of Junmyeon’s songs about longing and young love are for him, knows that the smiles and the intense gazes he is famous for in dramas where he is the yearning second lead are honed with years and years of practice. He knows. And he wonders, is it worth it? They did not take this leap before, back in middle school where they had less to lose, because Junmyeon is busy gunning for a scholarship and Kyungsoo is busy with extracurriculars. They did not take this leap before, back in high school where they had less to lose, because entrance exam prep is harsh and they are terrified of the prospect of not being together for the first time in their young lives. They did not take this leap before, back in college where they had less to lose, because Junmyeon is busy and Kyungsoo is busy and they’re expanding their social circles and getting to know more people and having someone will be a hindrance more than a blessing and hey, they’re young, they have all the time in the world. They did not take this leap before, after graduation where they had more to lose but still less than now, because Junmyeon is busy training to be an idol and Kyungsoo is busy training to be a chef and they know they can’t handle any more responsibilities than that. Now, they have more to lose, way more, and yet somehow Kyungsoo wants more than ever to take the leap, to close the distance between them and walk together, side by side, along the flower path.

But he knows his place. Knows that that is not where he is needed, where he should be. Knows that his place is behind Junmyeon, looking out for him as he makes his way to the top, looking out for any obstacles in front of him and protecting him from anything that may try to make him stumble. Knows that he is not what Junmyeon needs, not right now, and that’s okay. To be able to be with him, laugh with him, eat with him, grow with him is enough. To be able to see him when all the stage makeup is off his face, to hear his unbridled laugh that goes against his angelic branding, to judge him for his messy apartment is enough. To be able to support him in doing what he loves the most is enough. It’s not all that he wants, but when has life ever given our heart’s desire in its entirety? The fact alone that he can still be this close to the person that holds his heart makes him luckier than a lot of people already. And that’s more than enough for him.

The lights suddenly go off, and a familiar set of electric guitar riffs resonate above the din of screaming fans. Kyungsoo smiles and turns on his Bunny Citizen lightstick, basks in the iridescent silver glow of the bunny ears, and waves it happily as the love of his life steps into the stage and starts to sing. 

**Author's Note:**

> title is from Want You In My Room by our lord and savior Carly Rae Jepsen! stream dedicated side b (and dedicated, where this song can be found lol).
> 
> honestly dunno where i went with this but we roll with it anyway! i apologize for all the inaccuracies, typos, and this overall mess of Yearning. happy birthday again to our queen ph bunnyzen, you are loved 💕
> 
> come say hi on [twitter](http://twitter.com/apaixon0)!


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